Parchment
by Luffeh
Summary: A story compiled of letters exchanged between Draco and Hermione. They have no idea who they're writing with - they only know that they feel comforted, understood - and loved. What will happen when they find out who they've been writing with?
1. Parchment 1

Hi all! This is my first Dramione FF which consists of a bit 1st person and letters exchanged by Draco and Hermione, without them knowing the other one. The letters are simply just signed H.G and D.M but they have no clue what the letters stands for. ^_^  
>It switches between Hermione's POV and Draco's POV, but it should be pretty obvious when it does, and I've marked it with a horizontal line as well.<br>And it's based on a Dramione FF challenge :3 Enjoy!

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><p>The sun was beaming through the windows, blinding my eyes for a brief moment. I took cover with my hands until the Hogwarts Express continued it's road along some conifers, concealing the sun so I finally could relax. I took a look at Harry and Ron, both discussing enthusiastic about Quidditch – this gave me no hope whatsover in joining the conversation. With a mournfully sigh I found my book and opened it at the first page. A blank piece of parchment fell out, onto my lap. I discretly raised my eyebrow and took the parchment in my hands. They were trembling a bit, but it had been like that all summer – I felt like something had changed. Sitting there, distanced from Ron and Harry, who didn't even seem to notice me at all, made me feel more lonely than I thought I could ever feel. I'd expected the return to Hogwarts to be uplifting and peaceful. Not depressing and devastated.<p>

I took a deep breath and found my quill. Somehow I knew that I had to take the top of the iceberg, otherwise I would fall down and drown very soon. It had been going on for too long – all summer none of them had written me, and when I sent an owl to the Burrow asking if I could come join Ron and Harry for the last days of vacation, Ron simply replied: "Oh, sorry, Hermione, I forgot about you."  
>So here I was, facing the truth. We were falling apart. Us, the trio that was invincible. We had stuck together for as long as I could remember, fighting all sorts of threats, but now I felt like I was air to them. With tears held back I began to write on the blank parchment.<p>

_Dear whoever is reading this,_

_I feel lost. I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I'm trapped in some kind of maze without any way out.  
>I desperately need someone by my side. But, unfortunately, the only two I can rely on doesn't have a clue of what's going on inside my head. The first one is awfully stuck-up and sometimes I feel like he can't see past his own existence. The other one is just hopeless.<br>So here I am. Sitting in the Hogwarts Express, waiting for someone to come save me. Please, if you are reading this, give me a sign that you're listening. I can't take it anymore, not a single day longer.  
>Best regards,<br>H.G._

With a sigh I put down my quill, wondering what I should do with this letter. I looked at Ron and Harry, stood up and left the compartment. They didn't notice.  
>With a nervous glance I walked down the train until I found a place somewhat silent and empty. I put the parchment down on a seat and left, feeling a bit relieved but still broken.<p>

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><p>"Goyle, you idiot! I can't stand you!"<p>

I stood up and sent him a disgusted look. How was it possible to be so ridiculous and useless? I shook my head, mostly to clear my thoughts, but it didn't help a single bit. I sent Crabbe a harsh look and left the compartment. I needed to get away, away from those thumpers. With quick steps I walked down the train, looking as indifferent as possible.  
>When I found a lonely and quiet compartment, I went inside it and sat down. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the silence. After some time I opened them again, shortly getting blinded by the damn sun, and then I saw it.<br>A letter. Lying there, right in front of me. Was it there before I entered? I didn't know.  
>With a snort I took the letter and opened it. I couldn't help but smile taunting – what kind of an idiot would put a letter on an empty seat on the Hogwarts Express? Whoever it was must have been foolish to believe that someone would actually read it. I began crumpling it together, but then it hit me. It couldn't hurt to take a look. I glanced around – there wasn't anybody. Why not?<br>I folded out the letter again, and with a sceptical look I began reading.  
>When I had finished reading I somewhat felt … different. Like something had changed inside of me. And what scared me the most was that … I could recognize those feelings. "<em>I don't know what to do with myself … I desperately need someone by my side … The only two I can rely on doesn't have a clue of what's going on inside my head. The first one is awfully stuck-up and sometimes I feel like he can't see past his own existence. The other one is just hopeless … So here I am, waiting for someone to come save me ...<em>"  
>I took my quill from my pocket and played a bit with it in my hand. Was I stupid if I answered? I, who at first thought this person was an idiot for actually expecting someone to feel with them?<br>My instincts took over once again – _why not_? I didn't like embracing this insecure part of me, but I too felt like I couldn't handle it much longer. With a sigh of my egoism I began to write, responding the letter on the back of the parchment.

_Dear H.G.  
>Well, here I am – the whoever that was reading your letter. First off, I'd like to say that I find it a bit humorous that you left this piece of parchment on the Hogwarts Express. How stupid is that?<br>And how stupid am I, to either way be responding to this?  
>I can't believe I am actually writing this, but I too feel lost. I understand what you're going through. It's like what you wrote has been written by myself. Like you've read my mind or something.<br>I am in big problems. Problems so big that I feel like they're going to overwhelm me soon, suffocating me until I have no breath left.  
>My father has been sent to Azkaban. But he is absolutely innocent. I am not saying this as his son, I am saying this as a third person. He has nothing to do with the Dark Lord. Or so I'd like to believe.<br>I can't face the fact that my own father has left me and my mum, leaving us alone in the dark. I can't face the fact that he is gone, surrounded by those damn dementors, who is gonna take all that's left of him, until he's begging for mercy – begging for death.  
>I … am not going to write more. What am I even doing?<em>

The two last sentences was written down precisely from my mind. What was I doing anyway? Quickly I signed the letter 'D.M.' and left it where I found it, hoping that noone would come and read it. Noone but the mysterious person, H.G.  
>With my mind full of more thoughts than I'd entered with, I left the compartment, wondering who on earth H.G might be.<p> 


	2. Parchment 2

Hey again! Thank you all for the positive response, I am so happy that you guys like it! ^_^ Hopefully this chapter will satisfy you. I promise that from now on Draco and Hermione's letters will be longer, as you probably will realize once you've read this chapter. :3  
>It's a bit short, but anyway the next one is going to be a long one, I promise. ^^ Thank you!<p>

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><p>"Hermione, where are you going?" Ron asked as I began moving towards the right side of the train. "I just have to check something. I'll be back in a minute," I said and forced a decent smile in his direction. Ron and Harry continued moving towards the left to the exit, since the Hogwarts Express now had stopped at Hogsmeade Station. I, on the other hand, had to find my letter and see if anyone had responded – and if not, take it and trash it.<p>

I walked down the train - people were staring a bit at me since I was moving in the wrong direction, but nothing hardly ever annoyed me anymore. All I felt was loneliness and hurt.  
>People began to disappear, and I now had the train all to myself. I quickly returned to the compartment I had visited earlier to leave the letter. When I entered, all I saw was the letter, lying where I left it, with my handwriting scribbled on it. With a little sigh I took the letter, but then I noticed another handwriting on the back of the parchment. Someone had answered!<br>I quickly read it, and even though the message was sad and depressing, I felt happy for the first time on my way to Hogwarts this year. Happy because someone cared about me. Happy because someone listened. But who was that someone?

Later that night I was sitting in the common room of Gryffindor in a big, warm chair. A new piece of parchment was lying on the table, and I was writing enthusiasticly back to the mysterious D.M.

_Dear D.M.  
>It hurts me to hear those news about your father. I wish I could do something to help, but I honestly have no idea who you are, and after all, what can I do anyway?<br>I hope the best for you and your mum. You seem very friendly in my opinion, and it's sad to hear that you as well have the same problem with your friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone with it all, but on the other hand...  
>I am very grateful that you responded my letter. And I have to agree with you – it was a bit foolish to put that letter in the compartment, but as you can see, it had results. Stupidety isn't always followed by regret.<br>I would love to hear more from you, and how it's going. Unfortunately, I have no clue of who you are, but it is my desire that you find this letter and respond once again. I somehow feel like we can help each other.  
>Sincerely,<br>H.G._

I looked at the parchment filled with words, and a slight smile appeared.  
>But how could I make the unknown D.M find this letter? The last time he had found a parchment like this was by chance. Perhaps he wouldn't even find this one. Perhaps he wouldn't even care.<br>Despite my nervously depressing thoughts, I agreed with myself to put the second letter in the library the following evening. Maybe D.M was a lonely person just like me, who seeked comfort in books? I couldn't know for sure – all I knew was that I was longing for him to find this letter.

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><p>It was the first day of school at Hogwarts, and all day I couldn't focus at all during the different classes. When the last lesson finally was over, I went through the whole castle to look for any sign of a new letter. Why? I had no idea. I must admit that I felt rather stupid, walking alone along the many corridors, looking around me as if something was missing. I got a few glares here and there, but I didn't care. I felt an urge to find a letter like the last one – I couldn't explain why to myself, I just did.<p>

After many hours of searching in vain, I stopped at an empty corrider and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, and with no hope whatsoever of my next move to actually work, I whispered: "_Accio letter_."  
>To my big – yet delighted – surprise a letter came flying right into my hands. The parchment felt harsh and warm, as if someone had just touched this very piece of parchment. With shaking hands I unfolded the parchment and began reading.<br>It was the same handwriting, and it was once again signed H.G.  
>I felt curious about this person – who was it? The stranger had decided to write back to me, which meant that I hadn't scared her off with my talk about Azkaban and dementors. With a feeling of relief I quickly found my quill, which I had carried around with me – if I should happen to find the letter.<br>I held the parchment against the cold wall and began writing very fast.

_Dear H.G.  
>I found your letter. I used the Accio-spell, but I had some trouble looking for it before I came that far. How about leaving the letters behind the statue of the gargoyle at the seventh floor in the future?<br>D.M._

I looked around to see if anybody had arrived while I was writing on the back of the parchment, but the corridor was still empty and silent. I put the parchment on the floor, feeling rather hopeless since I had no idea of where to put it otherwise. All I could do was hope that she would find it – whoever that H.G might be.


	3. Parchment 3

Hi again! I'm still super excited about all the favorites I've got. :3 Thank you so much! As promised, here is a longer chapter. I hope you like it, since it's more open and full of feelings than the previous 2. Please review and tell me what you think - something I should add? Something I should leave out? Thanks!

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><p>I was restless and impatient. I wanted an answer from D.M, and I wanted it know. My longing for his response was a bit uncomfortable – how could I feel so attached with a stranger I knew nothing about, after just one day? I couldn't seem to find the answer, nor did I want to. It didn't matter – all I knew was that something was dragging me in his direction, and I quite enjoyed it.<p>

Though, my courage began to sink the following day. It was the second day of classes on Hogwarts, and I hadn't received an answer – but then it hit me. Maybe he hadn't found the letter? Or maybe he had, but thought that I was being stupid again, since I kept writing to a stranger on a ridiculous piece of parchment.  
>Feeling rather bitter I left Transfiguration class and began walking towards the Gryffindor common room. But suddenly something caught my eye … A piece of parchment, lying on the floor, with my handwriting faced upwards. I took a deep breath and stopped, leaving both Ron and Harry confused.<br>"Hermione, aren't you..?" Harry began, but I cut him off. "No, you just go ahead. I have to check something." Harry and Ron shortly looked at eachother with a sceptical glance, so I added: "I, uhm, forgot my quill in the classroom." They didn't look convinced, but they left the corridor as well as the other students, leaving me alone with the letter – which was all I needed.  
>I quickly sat down squatting and turned to the back of the parchment. Truly enough, he had written something – a rather short, but useful message. I knew exactly where to put the next letter now, which made me feel not so useless. Just the fact that he wanted me to respond made me feel longed and appreciated. He actually wanted to write with me again.<p>

Later that night I sat in the common room once again, in the same chair with a new piece of parchment lying in front of me.  
>"What's going on?" Harry asked. I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. I had a feeling that he somehow knew something was going on, but I decided to put on my best pokerface – just in case...<br>"What do you mean, what's going on?" I asked, and accidently snapped a bit after him.  
>"Well, you keep writing those … what, letters? And you always say there's something you have to check," he told me, looking a bit offended.<br>"It's … the owlery," I said, thinking as fast as I could to come up with some sort of genious lie. "Mum and dad just found out how to use the owls. They're very curious," I finished and nodded, as if I could force truth into my words.  
>"O...kay," Harry said and returned, rather worried, to his conversation with Ron. Probably about Quidditch again – I didn't know, I wasn't listening. I only focused on the new piece of parchment right now.<p>

_Dear D.M.  
>What a brilliant idea! I certainly understand that it was hard for you to find the previous letter. I didn't think it through, but I didn't really expect anyone to continue answering me. Don't get me wrong, I am very surprised – in a positive way.<br>Guess you want to know more about me now, huh? Well, I must admit that my life doesn't involve neither Azkaban nor dementors. I am somewhat just living an average life with average parents – __they're Muggles.  
>I know there's a lot of people who has something against them, but I don't really see the point. It's not their fault, neither is it mine that I obviously found out I could handle magic. Though, I am truly happy that I can – it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.<br>Hogwarts has always felt like my home, but now I'm not so sure anymore. It must be the problem with my friends again – it really bothers me... They're beginning to ask about these letters – but I told them that it's my parents that just found out how to use owls. I hope it's okay with you, because I think we should keep these letters a secret, somehow. I still don't know what to think about it – me, writing with a total stranger. I guess I enjoy it, but I can't help but wonder who you are.  
>Which house are you in? And which year? I, myself, am on my sixth year. It is sad to think about it, really – soon it's all over. I know I won't loose my magic when I graduate, but I feel like everyone at Hogwarts is a part of a family, a society. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I can't be around all these wonderful people everyday. I fear that I will feel like … like the magic's lost.<br>What are your thoughts? What do you think about the school?  
>I am absolutely dying to get some more information. Please respond – as fast as possible!<br>With the hope of all being well,_

_H.G._

When I finished writing, I took a look at Harry and Ron. They were still discussing something. I stood up, took the letter and left the common room. As eager as I was for his respond, I went to the seventh floor and hid the letter behind the statue of the gargoyle, just as he wanted me to do. Hopefully he would come look for it soon enough. With a slight smile on my lips I left, with a bubbling feeling inside of me...

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><p>It was dawn – the sun had first gone up a few minutes ago, yet I was fully dressed and awake. I found it hard to sleep these days, because of my new penpal. Who was she? Did I know her?<br>I wondered if she had already written a new letter. She seemed very thoughtful, and I had the impression that she had much on her mind. Maybe she was so desperate for a friend that she had responded last night?  
>I couldn't help but go see if she had. I left the Slytherin common room and began walking towards the seventh floor. The journey was rather long, and my steps echoed in the lonely corridors. I enjoyed the silence, yet it was like my heart overwhelmed it when I saw the gargoyle. I stopped for a brief moment, wondering if this was a good idea – continuing all this writing... Wasn't it a bit childish? I frowned and thought about it for a minute or two. Yes, it wasn't that mature, but I felt dragged towards her, and of what I knew, she too felt dragged towards me. The feeling of someone actually being curious and worried about how I was made me feel loved, which was a strange feeling. I didn't recognize it, but before I gave that thought more attention I went over to the statue and saw a letter. I quickly grabbed it, unfolded it and began reading it.<br>"_I am somewhat just living an average life with average parents – they're Muggles._"  
>I stopped reading for a moment, taking a deep breath. I cruised the next line: "<em>People has something against them...don't really see the point... Not their fault...<em>"  
>I tried to stay as neutral as possible, but I felt like something inside me had been shattered. Muggles. The person I thought shared the same problems as me was a Mudblood. I tried to let me convince with her arguments saying it's not their fault, but it didn't help. I quickly, uninterested kept reading. She was writing something about Hogwarts being her home... Something about 'wonderful people'. I couldn't help but snort. Wonderful people? Yeah, right, people unlike them all.<br>When I reached the line where she asked which house I was in I stopped reading again. I had absolutely no intention of revealing myself – after all, how many D.M.'s could there possibly be in the Slytherin house?  
>I tried to think of a way to avoid the question. Thinking madly I left the floor with the letter in my pocket.<p>

Later that night, after I had been feeling a lot of inmotivation about responding the letter, I sat on my bed and read it again. I was alone in the dormitory, which gave me all the freedom I wanted to answer. And I certainly took my time. I thought about every word I used, and when I was done I read it to myself.

_Dear H.G.  
>Woah, you're parents are Muggles. Didn't see that coming. I'm afraid that I'm one of those persons that has something against them, but what can I say? It's not my fault. I was raised that way, avoiding Muggles the best I could, learning to disrespect them in every aspect.<br>I can see where you're going, but I can't share your point of view. I'm sorry, but it's just not a part of my nature. Though, I'm trying to stay as neutral as I can. I really like you, and I'm trying my best to put an effort into this thing we've started.  
>You say that you want to keep this a secret. Me too. I wouldn't like the idea of all my friends finding out that I've been writing with a Mud... stranger. I think they'd have a harder time staying neutral than I have.<br>As for Hogwarts, I'm afraid that we once again have different meanings. I sort of see this place as a prison, like a torture. The class I like the best is Defence Against the Dark Arts – it prepares us for the real stuff that's going on out there. Outside these walls. It's like they're keeping us inside this safe bubble, without letting us know that there are danger closer than we think. I grew up with danger. Dark magic has been a part of my life, but I have certainly not enjoyed it. I've hated it to bits. I've felt like I wanted to scream at my parents, run away from it all, hide myself from the world …  
>I'm trying to hide everything. Noone here knows how I really am. On the inside. The only one who perhaps have a clue is … you.<br>And because of all these things I've been through, I'd like to keep myself anonymous. I'm not comfortable with telling you who I am … yet.  
>Perhaps someday. You make me want to tell you the truth about my life. About me. You make me want to respect Muggles. And most importantly, you make me feel … appreciated.<br>__Thinking of you,  
>D.M.<em>

With a sigh I put the letter under my bed. Noone could ever know about this. It was hard enough for me to express myself on paper – facing it was even harder. And I didn't plan on doing so.  
>All I had in mind was that I would leave this letter behind the gargoyle as soon as the chance appeared.<p> 


	4. Parchment 4

Thank you for the reviews! :) I truly appreciate it - they give me an idea of what you guys think of the story. And I just want you to get the best out of this FF, so if you have something you would like to happen, please write a review and tell me about it! I will take all ideas up for consideration.  
>And also, I need to check another thing: Do you guys like the more soft, cute and loving Draco (as I've portraited this far) or the sexy, selfish, mysterious Draco? Please let me know with a review!<br>So basically that's it, the two things I would like you to answer: What would you like to happen in the story, and which Draco do you like the most. :) Thank you!

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><p>I had just gone and taken the parchment behind the gargoyle, where on the back the answer of my letter had been written. I now sat in the library, where I figured I could be alone, all by myself. No Harry or Ron to interrupt me – like they would care anyway.<p>

I now sat there, between two rackings and stared at the parchment. I could not believe what I had just been reading. "_Woah, you're parents are Muggles … Disrespect them in every aspect … Trying to stay as neutral as I can ..._" What did he mean – _trying to stay as neutral as he could? _ It was hard to grasp that he was a Muggle-hater, that kind of persons who typically would be pureblooded, arrogant and selfcentered. But it couldn't be true, it just couldn't be. I had written with him. He told me that I was the only one who perhaps had a clue of how he really was.  
>Then how could he be writing something like this?<br>"_I've been writing with a Mud... stranger._" Had he just been about to call me a … a _Mudblood_?  
>I began to blink a lot faster, holding back the tears that almost had made their way. I could not be crying. I could not be upset. I just thought he was different – original, elegant, loveable... Maybe I was wrong? Maybe all I knew about him was a lie?<br>Though, I couldn't help but grin a bit at myself since I began smiling when I read the other sentences.  
>"<em>I really like you … You make me want to tell you the truth … You make me feel appreciated … Thinking of you …<em>"  
>I felt confused – I had no idea what to belive. He obviously was a pained soul, hard on the outside, but soft and hurt on the inside. At least what I knew of.<br>I was still curious about finding out more about him, but I didn't know what to write. I didn't know how to begin, I felt stunned and hopeless.  
>Frowning, I took my quill and began writing though. I wrote very slowly, but at least words appeared on the parchment.<p>

_Dear D.M.  
>I have no idea where to begin. Your letter has left me breathless and confused.<br>First of all, I'd like to say that I like you too … There's something special about you, something that leaves me longing for you, something different …_

_Yet I can't ignore the fact that you're obviously a Muggle-hater. Or so you appear to be, though you wrote that I made you want to respect Muggles. I am very disappointed, and to be honest, I didn't see that coming … at all._

_And what was going on with the "Mud... stranger" - if you are to call me a Mudblood, I am going to stop writing you. I can handle a lot, but not that. It's exceeds my boundaries._

_I would love to keep writing with you, as long as you focus on the good side that's inside of you. Because I have learned enough about you to know that you're both good and bad. Of course everyone is like that at some point, but you … you're very hard to understand._

_As much as I'd like to hex you for what you've been writing, I am also sad and upset. I can't tolerate things like that.  
>Though, your letter hasn't only left me mad and offended. I am also very grateful and flattered of the things you've written.<br>I can see your point in keeping this a secret, though you might want to think about the words you're using, thank you. Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean you can play around with me.  
>Who are you? I am not asking for your name or your house. I am asking about the truth. You reject the things you're parents have taught you, yet you're still affected by those things.<br>You have a thing or two to learn, but I'm no expert myself. I, too, have said things I didn't mean and done things I shouldn't have done. I've made mistakes.  
>My thoughts of you has changed a bit, or expanded, if you will. I find you both arrogant, xenophobic and awful – yet I can't close my eyes to the other part of me saying that you're interesting, hurt and just misunderstood.<br>I like you. I really do. And I bet you only think about me half as much as I think about you.  
>With the hope of your quick response,<br>H.G._

Was I too hard on him? Was I more judging than him, after all?  
>I couldn't make it up with myself. I decided that the letter couldn't get any better, and went to leave it behind the gargoyle with a lot of different feelings.<p>

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><p>The seconds were like years. The minutes moved slowly. Hours became only time of waiting. Waiting for her response, her reaction to my letter.<br>I had been thinking a lot about it. I was stupid to have put that letter behind the gargoyle. I should've written a new one. Behaved better.  
>I finally realized this when I read her answer later that day. I understood her feelings about me – her thoughts of me being arrogant and awful. I had heard that many times, yet none of those times had hit me like this. It hurt. Hurt because she was the only one I actually cared for now – and she was just like everybody else.<br>On the other hand she seemed to give me a chance – even though I'd almost call her a Mudblood. I felt relieved and decided that I would think a lot about my next answer, and behave as well as I could.

_Dear H.G.  
>For a start I'd like to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have written that, but you know what they say: Old habits die hard.<br>Of course this is no excuse of what I've done. I truly regret it – and understand what you've written. And your thougts of me? They couldn't be more true. Many people has called me arrogant, but with you, I'll do everything I can to avoid that. Because if I have to be honest – which you'd probably prefer – it … hurts._

_You ask me who I am. I don't know what to answer. The truth is, I don't really know myself. I guess I'm most of the things you claim I am. Probably them all._  
><em>I grew up, spoiled as always. My parents don't have much respect for other people, yet they seem to <em>_have some sort of contacts, which leaves them very wealthy. I'm not going to boast, yet I can't complain._

_My family has always, somehow, been connected to Dark Magic. I hope this doesn't scare you off or something, because I wouldn't know what to do if it did. If you stopped writing me. It has become the peak of the day when I read your letters. They give me hope. You give me hope.  
>Anyway, I have always lived in the shadows of my father, I suppose. He wants me to grow up to become just like him, though my mum is more distanced and worried at that point. I do understand her – I wouldn't like ending up in Azkaban, like my father did.<br>Now mum and I are on our own. It's not like it's a problem, since I mentioned we're quite wealthy, but she is devastated. I don't know why – it's like she doesn't know about the risks of living this life, including all this Dark Magic. Sometimes she is rather ignorant, yet she just tries to protect me … I guess.  
>Though, there is no need to protect me. I am slowly distancing myself from Dark Magic all by myself. I don't like it, and I never did.<br>And now... well, now I feel more alone than ever – except the fact that you still like me. Hopefully. And do you really think that you're thinking more about me than I think about you?  
>I thought you were clever.<br>Waiting patiently,  
>D.M.<em>

That was the best I could twist out of myself. It had been hard writing all this, yet there was no lies – only the truth. She had asked for it, so she got it.  
>I only hoped she would be able to tolerate it.<p> 


	5. Parchment 5

Hi all! Thank you once again for your responses to my question. I feel really creative at the moment, so if there's any other FF you'd like to read - related to HP of course - please let me know! Anyway, this chapter is also quite long, and I tried to fulfill your wishes with this. :) Hope you enjoy.

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><p>I was in a very bad mood the next day. I couldn't stop thinking about the letter, and I was both filled with frustration and anger. Though there had been parts of the previous letter I had enjoyed reading, most of it had started a fire inside me, and I had no idea how to put it out. I just hoped that his next letter would be more sensitive and gentle.<p>

"So, what's bothering you today?" Ron asked with his mouth full of food. We were sitting in the Great Hall eating lunch, though I didn't touch any of my food. Recently I had lost all my appetite.  
>"What do you mean, what's bothering you today?" I snarled and looked judgemental at him.<br>"Well, you've been in a strange mood recently," he stated.  
>"Thanks, Ronald," I said with a slightly offended tone. I looked away with an occupied glance, but he kept talking to me.<br>"Is it those letters?" he asked, grabbing some more sausages.  
>My heart skipped a beat. Did he know? Had he tricked me – did he know who D.M was?<br>"Wha-what letters?" I asked, my voice slightly trembling.  
>"You know, the ones for your parents. The owls and everything," he said, as if he hadn't noticed my moment of nervousness.<br>"Oh," I mumbled and quickly relaxed again. "Well, yeah. They … they don't really get the hang of it yet ..." I said with a low tone and looked down at the table. As much as I wanted to shout at Ron – not to mention Harry – I still didn't like lying to them. But I had agreed with the unknown D.M that our letters would remain a secret – and I always kept my promises.  
>A few moments later I left the Great Hall and walked restlessly along the corridors. The time moved so slow that I thought it had stopped. I began moving towards the stairs. I thought, that maybe he had returned a letter behind the gargoyle already. It couldn't hurt to take a look...<br>After a few minutes I arrived at the long, most often empty corridor – only this time there was someone. Draco Malfoy.  
>He was standing at the opposite side of the corridor, facing me. He looked like he had just turned around to see who had arrived – as if he had been about to leave.<br>"Aren't you supposed to be eating lunch?" I asked him with a musty tone and a harsh look.  
>"Since when did you care?" he snapped back at me. He was right – since when did I care? I had no idea why I had asked him in the first place, but I just had so much rage inside of me that I felt like I needed to get it out at someone. And Malfoy was clearly the right person, since he was such a big idiot.<br>"What are you doing up here?" I asked challenging.  
>"I could ask you the same, Mudblood," he hissed and sent me a glance full of pent-up hatred.<br>I'm sure my face looked shocked just in that moment, but I managed to get control of myself shortly after.  
>"And what makes you think that you have the permission to call me <em>Mudblood<em>?" I asked with a rather shrill voice.  
>"Well, you <em>are<em> a Mudblood, Granger," he said – he obviously enjoyed playing around with me like this. But inside my hate was boiling...  
>"Malfoy, you huge, manky berk!" I shouted at him, feeling the tears making their way to the corner of my eyes. I quickly looked away until I had it all under control again.<br>"Relax, poxy. It's not like you can do anything about it," he said, smiling demeaning. I'm sure he meant it the harsh way, as if he said 'do-whatever-you-want-you'll-always-be-a-mudblood'.  
>I moaned and turned my back to him, trying to suppress the sobbing. The fact that Malfoy was calling me a Mudblood reminded me of D.M who also had been about to call me so. Only he was nicer, and he was trying to change – unlike the idiot standing a few feet away from me.<br>I heard him leave the corridor, laughing so it cut the ears. When I was completely sure that he was gone I turned around, quickly went to look behind the gargoyle, saw a letter, took it and headed for the Gryffindor common room.

_Dear D.M.  
>I am delighted that that you apologize. You really make a better impression than other persons …<em>

I almost made a hole in the parchment. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment – I had to push Malfoy and his stupid words out of my mind. Right now, all I had to focus on was D.M. Shortly afterwards I continued writing._  
><em>

_Don't worry too much about it. It was a mistake, and as I mentioned in my last letter, we all make mistakes. You're forgiven.  
>Your story about your childhood is very heartbreaking. I surely do understand your mum, yet I also understand you. What I think you need is a cliff to be supported by, someone to help and guide you. It could be anyone, as long as the person understands you. I'd like to make an offer, since I really like you, and I'm sure you can change. And after all, I am running out of excuses to write with you...<br>I know I have to face my problems and find a solution, but you're such a comfort. As for the matter, I think I'm mostly writing with you now for the pleasure. I hope you enjoy it as well, of course.  
>Since I am a daydreamer and a bookworm, I use my fantasy a lot. I can only imagine what your home must look like, when you say that your family is quite wealthy.<br>Maybe, someday, if we learn each others identity, I could come visit you in the holidays? I'd like to meet your mum. I'm sure she is confused and hurt as well, especially now that her husband is in Azkaban. Though your family has a lot of dark sides, you sound as a family that sticks together, and it really gives me hope. I'm sure your mum is lovely.  
>I get that you don't feel like you need to be protected. I guess it's a part of the secession. But I want you to know, that if you need anyone to talk to … or write to, I will always be there to listen. Your stories really catch me and believe it or not, it's like I'm incomplete before it all sorts out.<br>I've already told you that my life has been average – no huge things has happened in my childhood, since my parents are Muggles. They're dentists. A lot of wizards don't know what that is, but it's someone who takes care of your teeth.  
>Silly, right? I know … Sometimes I feel sorry for them. Life would be so much easier if they knew how to use magic. But they're used to it, so I guess they would just get confused if I suddenly stood there in front of them, giving each a wand.<br>__I really hope to hear from you soon. I feel like my world is breaking down. Like I had the final crash today.  
>All that comforts me now is you. I don't know how it's possible to get such a relationship to someone you've never even seen – possibly never even met. I can't wait for the day when that happens.<br>I hope that you'll soon feel better. I know there's a lot of cruel things in this world, but everything will be okay in the end.  
>That's what the others keep telling me.<br>Always missing you,  
>H.G.<em>

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><p>There was nothing special to do these days. Crabbe and Goyle was as stupid as ever, and classes were more boring than they used to. Perhaps because my thoughts always were filled with images of H.G. – whoever she was. I pictured her with different hair colours, different eyes, different voices … None of them seemed to fit to the outrageous amazing personality she had shown this far.<p>

I quickly began focusing on what Mr Binns was saying when I reached that thought. I reminded myself to take it easy, shaking the thought of me.  
>All I did was waiting for the classes to pass – as well as the hours. How come they suddenly seemed even longer now?<br>In the meantime I tried to figure out what H.G could mean. I had no idea, since there was no interesting person on the castle with those initials. And I knew for sure that this girl was interesting – she was different, and I wondered why I never had noticed her on the many corridors, in the Great Hall, on the Hogwarts Express … but then again, I didn't know what she looked like. I didn't know anything except the things she told me in the letters...

_Dear H.G.  
>I'm very grateful for your forgiveness. I am so relieved, I can't believe it. As I've written many times now, something about you just makes me want to change. And though it's strange, I don't mind. Not at all.<br>Are you saying that you want to come visit me sometime? We don't normally have visitors, since most people on this school are idiots. But perhaps I'll take you home with me someday.  
>Though we're writing each other everyday I still feel distanced from you. If it's because of the unknown identities, I don't know. Or maybe it's because I feel like you're a much better person than me. Wait, I don't feel like it – I know it. Only an idiot would reject that.<br>I couldn't imagine my life without magic, nor my parents. It's like a part of me – it is a part of me. But I guess that's because I've grown up with it, knowing that I would attend this school when I first turned 11.  
>Or, well, actually my parents had this idea of making me go to Durmstrang. Of course that would mean we'd have to move, since we've always been living in England.<br>I don't know what to think about the whole Durmstrang-thing – I'm sure I would've found some __better mates over there, but then I wouldn't have found you.  
>I think I prefer Hogwarts then...<br>As much as you hope that I'll feel better – which may or may not happen – I wish the same for you. You are a great person, and you deserve happiness more than I do. I've been an idiot to a lot of people, and you seem a lot more sensible. I'm pretty sure you are.  
>Am I the only one who feels like time passes much slower? I think it's because of you. All I look forward to is reading your letters. They mostly make me smile. And there's not much that makes me smile at the moment.<br>Looking forward to your answer,  
>D.M.<em>


	6. Parchment 6

Hey everyone! Sorry for my lack of updates, I've been kinda busy. Anyway, I found time to write this chapter for you. It's sort of different, since a few weeks have passed since the first letter now. I hope you don't mind, but I thought it would fit right now. In that way, something new could happen. And that's exactly what's going to happen in this chapter. Excited? :D Nah, I'm just kidding. xD  
>Anyway, reviews are very much appreciated, and that way you will remind me that I have to keep on writing for my lovely readers. I tend to forget, since I'm very forgetful. Someone could use a Remembrall, huh?<br>Yeah okay, I hope you enjoy this. See ya! :3

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><p>My unidentified penpals last letter was much more gentle than the previous. I was relieved when I read it, and again he made me smile with his kind and generous words. My longing for meeting the unknown D.M was growing stronger and stronger for every day that passed. One day I got an idea – I didn't know how he would take it, but I couldn't resist asking. Therefore, I broke the usual conversations we had through the letters. We usually wrote about our families, life at Hogwarts, our problems and such. But the letter I was about to write would be different. I came up with an entirely new subject.<p>

_Dear D.M.  
>A specific thought just crossed my mind. We can meet.<br>I know that you're uncomfortable with showing me your real identity, but we've been writing for weeks now, and I'm desperate and impatient. You know I like you for who you truly are – no matter what. Actually, I would like to correct myself and say that I not only like you, but care about you. You're like a dear friend to me – and I'm ready to see your face.  
>Honestly, you have nothing to fear. We've shared so many things, so many secrets and stories – why not meet each other? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to communicate not only through the letters? Imagine sitting in the Great Hall, knowing who each other is. Imagine talking in the corridors between classes and hanging out afterwards. Imagine visiting each other in the holidays. Wouldn't it be amazing?<br>I think so, at least. I am drowning in my daydreams right now. I really do hope you will agree with this, but if you don't I'm okay with it. I don't want to push you into anything, but you know that I always will be there for you, and being able to actually see you would be a huge thing for me. It would make everything so much easier, and it would be refreshingly new and interesting.  
>I know what you wrote about you not wanting your friends to know about us. I figured a way so they don't have to know.<br>Next Saturday there is a Quidditch match. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. I'll be waiting by the foot of the third tower at 11.30 am. You don't have to talk to me or anything. Just find me and walk past me, scratching your arm. That way I'll know it's you.  
>Why don't we just meet in the castle, somewhere, you may think? You see, this way you don't have to make up an excuse for your friends. Everybody loves a good Quidditch match. I, myself, only watch it because of the players from my house, which is good friends of mine. The ones I told you about, actually. But my point is, you don't have to lie or anything. I suppose Quidditch is an important thing to you. Of course you would show up at a Quidditch match.<br>So, what do you say? Are we going to meet?  
>Remember, I would never in my wildest dreams judge you. You know that. I will always be your friend.<br>Sincerely,  
>H.G.<em>

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><p>The days passed, and the letters would be exchanged everyday. I quite enjoyed this new acquaintance of mine – she, whoever she was, meant a lot to me. As fast as it had begun, as fast my feelings for her grew. I couldn't help it – I found it rather pathetic that I could feel like this when I didn't even know what she looked like, but something about her was just so tempting. I had never met someone like her before. It was like she had an aura around her, filled with innocence and care. And that was all I needed. Care.<p>

The next day I read her letter. She had blowed off our current conversation, but I didn't really mind. It was nice when she had something to tell me – it always lifted my mood, when she wrote about something that really just confirmed her curiousity and adventurousness. Only this time – I felt different.  
>"<em>We can meet … I'm desperate and impatient … Care about you …<em>"  
>The last one really hit me. I had just been thinking that all I needed was care, and here I was, sitting in the dormitory reading her letter, where she said that she actually cared.<br>I didn't know what to think. She wanted to meet me, she said that she was ready to see my face.  
>"<em>Honestly, you have nothing to fear. We've shared so many things, so many secrets and stories – why not meet each other?<em>"  
>She had a point. What did I have to lose?<br>Her, of course...  
>Even though we had shared our deepest secrets and worries, we still had no idea what the other one was like for real. When feelings weren't written down on a piece of parchment. When there were things to hide, things to conceal from the world. From your friends. From everyone.<br>I knew that I had a bad rumor around the school – and a good one to others. It all depended on who _she_ was. She would probably only be impressed by the things I had done if she was a Slytherin, and I knew for sure that she wasn't. She wasn't pureblooded, she wasn't fake.  
>She was real and honest, good-hearted and brave. She was everything I wasn't. And therefore, I had a lot to fear. I had everything to lose. If she saw me, she would probably stop writing me, if she believed in all the things she had heard.<br>But on the other side – she kept telling me that she thought differently. She kept telling me that I was changing, that I was getting better. She knew me for who I truly was, and therefore – how could she believe the rumors?  
>I thought about her offer for a long time. Hours, perhaps. But then I decided that I would meet her. I wouldn't keep this thing going if I had to be afraid that she would hate me and try to forget me.<br>I wanted it to be true. Like her. I wanted to be brave, just like she was.  
>So I took my quill and wrote on the back of the parchment.<p>

_Dear H.G.  
>I've been thinking a lot about your offer. I don't know exactly for how long, but it sure did take me some time to say that I'd like to meet you. Because I do.<br>I was very unsure in the start. I was wondering if you would hate me when you first found out who I really am. I'm still scared about that, but you've taught me something. Never to be scared.  
><em>_And though I appear to be the type that's brave and all that stuff, I'm not. Not on the inside. And that's where you have your strengths.  
>I said I wanted to change. Well, that may take some spontaneous choices, right? So, this is one of them. A spontaneous choice.<br>I have no idea how this will work out. I've wondered about who you really are for a long time. It seems weird that you soon will be revealed, and perhaps destroy my picture of you. It's good, by the way. I have no idea what you look like, but in my mind, your looks reflects your personality. You're beautiful.  
>I will meet you at the third tower at 11.30 am. And I will remember to scratch my arm – which is very original by the way.<br>Feel the sarcasm, H.G.  
>Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm really looking forward to our meeting. But don't judge me if I'm quiet. I'm sure a face like yours will take time to grasp. You know why.<br>See you Saturday,  
>D.M.<br>_


	7. Parchment 7

Hey again! A quicker update than the last time. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to marauderette-47 because she left me a review which really just made my day. ^_^ :D Thank you so much! This chapter might not be what you expected, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

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><p>My heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. I looked all around me every ten seconds, looking like a maniac or something. But I didn't mind. I had to see if he was here. I had to look very closely. I couldn't risk him passing by me without noticing. This was perhaps my only chance, and I would not waste it.<p>

I tried to remain as calm as possible, but it was hard. His last letter had left me completely speechless, and there was something about it that made me think of him as more than just a … friend.  
>Though, the time passed, and I didn't see anyone scratching their arm. But he said that he would be here – ten minutes ago. With a sigh I closed my eyes for a moment. What if he didn't show up? Was I a fool to actually believe that he would be here?<br>He was unreliable, after all. Amazing, yes, but unreliable. No wonder after all that he had been through, but I just thougt... and hoped that he would be here. I had tried to tell him that he had nothing to fear, nothing at all. Did he even believe me? Was the letter just a lie?  
>The questions was circling around in my head. I went into overdrive, and it felt like my head was going to explode. I checked the clock. He should've been here 15 minutes ago.<br>But I still waited.  
>And waited.<br>And when the match was over, and everyone had left for the castle again, I was alone. He hadn't showed up. He didn't come. He lied. And I trusted him.

I was sitting in the girls lavatory the same evening. I had a piece of parchment and my quill in my hands. They were shaking a bit, just like the first time I wrote him a letter. Or wrote someone a letter.  
>My thoughts began to wander again. What if he never had answered? What if someone else had found my letter?<br>In that case, everything would be different by now. But it was him who had found it, him who had answered it.  
>I had been really angry at first when he didn't show up to meet me. But now I was mostly just sad and quiet about it. First off because I couldn't tell Harry and Ron why I was so angry if they would ask, but also because I realized that I couldn't be angry with him. He was too … special to me. I was sure he had a great explanation – or maybe not – but I really didn't care that much. I tried to tell myself that I could meet him another time, but I still kept asking myself if he ever would show up if we agreed about something ever again. Because after all – how well can you trust someone you've never met?<p>

_Dear D.M.  
>I miss you.<br>Why didn't you show up? I waited for you for hours, but you never came. I looked everywhere, but there wasn't any sign of someone scratching their arm. I couldn't find you.  
>I hope it isn't because I just didn't notice you at that time. Because I really did my best to look at every little movement, every little detail.<br>I must admit that I'm a little disappointed. And at first, I was really mad. But now … now I just feel … broken.  
>Of course it isn't your fault. I'm sure something got in your way, something that kept you from meeting me. Or maybe you changed your mind. That's okay. I told you it's okay.<br>I'm desperate to hear from you. What's happening? What happened?  
>Wondering,<br>H.G._

* * *

><p><em>Do it. Go meet her. Just a little longer. Maybe they won't notice? … Of course they will notice. Stupid idiots. Why am I even talking to them?<br>_I had tried to convince myself that it was all right. That I could meet her. See her. Talk to her.  
>But it had been impossible at that moment.<br>I sighed as I looked back on the match. How she probably had been standing by the foot of the thrid tower, waiting for me. But I never came.  
>I knew I had to tell her why. Explain myself. And that surely was my intentions.<br>I knew she would write me first, as always. I was impatient – I wanted to tell her my story right away, but I also wanted to hear what she had to say.  
>So when I found her letter behind the gargoyle, I quickly read it and began writing on the back of the parchment a few seconds later.<p>

_Dear H.G.  
>I'm sorry. I wanted to meet you. But there was … complications. It's a longer story.<br>You see, just after I finished my previous letter, agreeing to meet you, some of my friends found me. Of course they were curious about what I was doing with a piece of parchment. Why I was writing something that wasn't even homework.  
>I tried to tell them that it wasn't their business, even tried to hex them. But unfortunately, they got my letter. Your letter. Our connection.<br>They read it and laughed. I was angry, really angry. But they knew about it, and … you know I didn't want them to. So of course they tried to follow me today, at the match. I'm sure it would have been a horrible first meeting if they joined us, and just the thought of it is a nightmare to me.  
>I want it to be right. I don't want any of my stupid friends to come along.<br>So that's why I didn't meet up. I was saving it for later. That way, it will be better – when the time comes. I'm sure you'll agree with me.  
>Anyway, now that they know … we have to be more careful. We can't use the gargoyle anymore. I think they know about that one as well.<br>As I've told you, my father is in Azkaban, and my family knows a lot about Dark Magic. So therefore, I know this spell called 'Revelio Secreto' – use it on the next letter. That way I will be able to summon it whereever you've left it.  
>This letter is going to be the last one I'm leaving behind the gargoyle. I hope you understand.<br>Once again, I'm sorry. I guess we'll have to find another time where I can see your beautiful face.  
><em>_Still thinking of you,  
>D.M.<em>


	8. Parchment 8

Hi again! Thanks for all the reviews, I love you guys! :D And I have a little surprise for you ... I have made a trailer for this FF and put it on YouTube! YES! Before you watch it I will just apologize for my lack of awesome editing skills, but I haven't really made anything visual creative in a while... Anyway, please comment it - I'd like to know what you guys think!  
>www(dot)youtube(dot)comwatch?v=K4VVpDepEVo  
>The dot's are naturally to be replaced with actual dots (.)<br>Now enjoy the chapter! :)

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><p>It felt as if everything was happening in slowmotion. As if the whole world was set on pause. I was waiting for his letter, his response, and most importantly – his excuse. I had imagined thousands of reasons already, but I couldn't seem to find the right one. Therefore I was delighted when I saw a piece of parchment behind the gargoyle the next day.<p>

I read it quickly, thought about it, then read it again. His excuse was understandable. In fact … I was happy that he hadn't shown up. As he had written, it would've been a disaster if he had to bring his friends along. Now I just looked forward to the next meeting – the real meeting. Whenever that might be...  
>I also thought a lot about the new spell called Revelio Secreto. It was Dark Magic … But then again, how dark was it after all, if I only used it to find a specific piece of parchment? That was innocent, not dangerous. Still, I didn't like the thought of me using a spell that perhaps somewhere in this world was hiding something much more powerful, something much more dark. I tried to forget about it, but it was like the thoughts had been burned in the back of my mind. Every second of every minute I imagined myself using the spell. Then, I would watch myself as a few days passed, using an even more powerful spell, which also was Dark Magic … What if I would lose my grip, what if I would learn things I shouldn't learn?<br>I slapped myself mentally. How stupid was I? Considering coming to the Dark side, because of a little spell used only to find his letter?  
>Before I could do myself more harm I began writing on a new piece of parchment.<p>

_Dear D.M.  
>I cannot describe how happy I am to read your letter. It's like a burden has been taken off my shoulders. I've been wondering if I was too hard on you – if I was, then I'm sorry. I truly understand you now. Actually, I dare to say that I'm happy about your descision. I too feel like it would've been horrible if you had to bring your friends along.<br>Not to insult them or anything, because there must be a reason that you're seeing them. Even though what they did was wrong – and no, I can't be objective – I'm grateful for your choice. You did the right thing, even though I at first thought you did the wrong thing.  
>I guess it's me that has to change, huh?<br>I knew you had a good excuse, a proper reason. I'm ready to meet you whenever you dare to, or want to. But perhaps we should wait a little while, so your friends don't become suspicious. We wouldn't want that, would we?  
>About the spell... I am not proud of myself, thinking that I have to exercise dark magic. But I keep telling myself that it's nothing – because it is nothing. Right?<br>Even though your childhood must've been tough, you've learned something. I think this spell will become rather useful.  
>Sincerely,<br>H.G._

I looked at the letter and my handwriting. It seemed shaky. But I knew why.  
>I grabbed my wand and closed my eyes. I let my wand touch the parchment with a light movement and whispered: "<em>Revelio Secreto<em>."  
>The parchment felt strange in my hand for a moment, as if it disappeared but then came back again. I opened my eyes and found his previous letter. "<em>I know this spell called 'Revelio Secreto' – use it on the next letter. That way I will be able to summon it whereever you've left it.<em>"

With a lot of mixed emotions I put the parchment in my pocket, wondering when he would summon it.

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><p>I spent the following day worrying if she would understand. I mean, who on earth would have a first meeting, if one of the persons brought their friends along? No one. Especially when it was Crabbe and Goyle.<br>The usual series of oaths and curses began in my mind. I was getting really tired of them, but somehow I was grateful. Really _grateful_. After all, they were the reason that I knew the mysterious H.G. They were the reason that I left the compartment in the first place and found the letter.  
>Even though they spoiled our first meeting – which never became a real meeting – I couldn't hate them.<br>I had been trying to summon her next letter for a few hours, but the letter never came. I tried again, for the 10th time, and then it appeared right between my hands.  
>I felt impressed. Really impressed. She did it, she used the spell. As much as I wanted to be like her, she still didn't refuse to use this single spell to keep our letters a secret – or make them a secret again, now that Goyle and Crabbe knew about them …<br>I read the letter, and a smile appeared on my face. She always understood me, and I couldn't seem to figure out how. She seemed so pure and good, while I was the direct opposite. Yet she was compassionate.  
>I found my quill and began writing enthusiasticly.<p>

_Dear H.G.  
>I can't express how impressed I am. You actually used the spell. I didn't expect you to – don't get me wrong – but you always seem to do the right thing.<br>And saying that I did the right thing really makes me … happy. Unless you're lying – it's hard to tell on a piece of parchment.  
>Anyway, now that we're secured from any intruders, as I like to call them … There's something you should know. Christmas is coming up, and I have to go back home for the holidays. I don't know if you're going to stay at school or go to your home, but I don't know about the letters.<br>I don't think I can continue writing with you as long as I'm not at Hogwarts. Because my family are so familiar with Dark magic, my mum can easily see if anyhing secret leaves or enters the house – all thanks to my Father.  
>I'm sorry – I feel like I keep bringing you bad news. First the cancel of the meeting, now the pause of our letters during Christmas …<br>__Although, you have to know that I truly am sorry that I can't write with you by then. I really want to write with you. All the time. Whenever I'm not reading your words, I'm just waiting for the next ones.  
>Sorry,<br>D.M._


	9. Parchment 9

Hi everyone! Thanks for the adds and reviews - always appreciated :) I'd like to dedicate this chapter to one of my readers, ExMaloBonum/SuicideGirl/SuicideBrunette or whatever more names you have. Because you told me it's your birthday December 15th and well, due to timezones and all that, I decided just to post this chapter now ^_^ I hope you'll have an amazing day celebrated with awesome people! ~  
>As for the rest, do you have any ideas for what to happen when they're home for Christmas? Or do you want me to skip that? Please tell me! :) Also, enjoy!<p>

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><p>Later that evening I felt my pocket, just to see if the letter was still there. It wasn't. I couldn't help but smile a bit – the spell had worked. And I had plucked up the courage to perform it. I was actually a bit proud of myself, but I couldn't tell Harry or Ron about it. Luckily, none of them asked more questions about the letters I recieved. Perhaps they really believed it was just my parents.<p>

The following day I took a deep breath and performed the same spell again. A letter appeared in my hands. I stood for a moment, realizing what this meant, before I began reading it.  
>My heart sank as I read that he had to go home for Christmas. I truly understood – I, too, was probably heading home. But suddenly a feeling so powerful overwhelmed me – a feeling of longing. I already missed him, even though we had a few weeks left before the holidays began.<br>I had no intensions on meeting him before Christmas – it was probably too risky, and maybe it was for the better just to wait. After all, the time I would spend waiting during the holidays would just be even worse if I knew who he was. I would miss him even more for sure.  
>Therefore I decided that it had to be done this way. I just had to enjoy the last couple of weeks before I was going home. For a brief moment I wondered where Ron and Harry would be spending Christmas this year. Probably at the Burrow. But I didn't even consider joining them – they wouldn't mind anyway. Perhaps they wouldn't even notice. As Ron had said this summer, "I forgot about you."<br>It hurt. I wouldn't admit it towards myself, but it was a fact that I couldn't ignore. The fragile line we were walking right now – me, Ron and Harry – wasn't comfortable at all. I had a strange feeling, that perhaps I'd never be going to the Burrow anymore. What if they just forgot about me? Completely, for good?  
>I tried to comfort myself by thinking that I perhaps, by that time, could join the yet unidentified D.M. It helped a bit, but my friendship with him still wasn't the same as the one I had with Ron and Harry. But of course that could change. D.M was already really important to me – it wouldn't surprise me if he just became even more important. It was like he was my energy. What kept me going.<br>With a deep sigh I took my quill and began writing on a new piece of parchment.

_Dear D.M.  
>It's really sad news. Of course I understand that you have to go home during Christmas – so do I, by the way – but I don't like the thought of not being able to contact you. At all.<br>You have been the best part of my life recently. But it's just a few weeks we'll be seperated, right? I guess I can survive that.  
>The spell is working fine. I'm sure you'll agree. I think I'm getting better at using it – after all, it's not dangerous. And as it is right now, I think I'd be able to do anything just to read your letters. It's strange how I can become so happy and comforted, just to look at your handwriting. Reading your words is even better.<br>As you probably can hear, things haven't gotten any better. You're all that keeps me going. I think my friendship with the two friends I told you about is coming to an end. It's hard facing the truth, we've been friends since our first year here at Hogwarts. But if they can forget me like this, are they even worth keeping as friends?  
><em>_I don't know what to do about it. I guess I'll just … wait, and see if it sorts out all by itself. Even though I highly doubt it. But you can always hope, right?  
>Hoping to hear from you soon,<br>H.G._

* * *

><p>As I had done with the previous letter, I kept trying to summon the next. I was eager to read her response – it couldn't be as bad as the one when she found out I didn't show up at our meeting. I mean, this was just about Christmas. It was only temporarely – no one was to blame.<br>When I finally succeeded to summon her letter I quickly read it and began answering.

_Dear H.G.  
>It hurts me to hear the news about your friends. I don't know if news was an appropriate word, but it still hurts me. Let me know if I can do anything.<br>As for Christmas, I am also very regretful. For the first time ever I'd wish I could stay here at Hogwarts. But only because of you. I feel just as you do. You're also my reason to keep on doing this. Walking among all these people, who don't even know who I really am. It is a major relief that someone knows. That someone being you.  
>To lighten up these depressing things – the failure of the meeting, separation at Christmas, problems with other students – I just wanna tell you that I'm gonna bring something for you when I get back to Hogwarts after Christmas. But that's all I'll say.<br>Just try to stay positive. Not that I think I can do that myself, but what other choice do we have?  
>Already missing you,<br>D.M._

Silently I whispered "Revelio Secreto" with my wand touching the parchment. Then I put my wand back in my robes, put the parchment in my pocket and began waiting again.


	10. Parchment 10

**Merry Christmas everyone!** I've gotten a lot of new ideas for this FF, so you'll probably see more updates soon! I can reveal (to everyone but ExMaloBonum, who gave me the idea) that a new POV is about to enter the story... It's not going to be as major and important as Hermione and Draco, but it still has a very important role... So when this person is introduced I will label the POV's with names so you know who's POV it is.  
>Christmas is coming up IRL and so it is in the FF, so enjoy! I'll make sure to create loads of drama :P<p>

* * *

><p>The weeks passed, and before I knew it Christmas was coming up. I sat in the common room with Ginny, organizing my books. The fire crackled in the fireplace, it was warm and comfortable.<br>"You have so many books. Why do you take so many subjects?" Ginny asked. She seemed a bit overwhelmed by the amount of books in front of her, all stabled in alphabetic order.  
>"Well, I guess I'm just eager to learn some more." I answered sofisticated, as I took a look at the parchment laying beside the books. There was only a very few pieces left – but the reason why it was so just made me smile.<br>"I'm running out of parchment. I think I'll have to go to Diagon Alley before going back to Hogwarts..." I mumbled, taking the pieces of parchment into my hands and looked at them. I let my fingers glide down upon the rough paper, thinking that these parchments someday would be filled with his gentle handwriting.  
>"It's probably because you take so many subjects. You should really take some time to relax. Do you even talk to anyone but Harry and Ron?" she asked, taking the parchment out of my hands, looking a bit confused at me.<br>"Uhm. Well..." I mumbled, instantly thinking of him. The truth was that I talked even more to him than I talked to Harry and Ron. But Ginny probably didn't know about all the problems we had – she was probably busy dating Dean.  
>"Anyway, I need to check George and Fred's shop out as well. They've just got new products," she said with a smile and added: "And more lovepotions."<br>I grinned weakly, thinking that I didn't need any lovepotions. Whoever D.M. was, he was doing an excellent job already.

The day arrived when we had exchanged our last letters, and the holidays began. I felt a bit depressed sitting in the Hogwarts Express, but even though things with Harry and Ron only had gotten worse, one thing had gotten better...  
>It felt weird thinking that this was the place where everything had started. I knew he was sitting here, on this very train, somewhere. Just the thought of it gave me butterflies.<p>

* * *

><p>"Draco..." Narcissa mumbled and came to greet me. I put my trunk down on the cold marble floor.<br>"Merry Christmas," I said with a monotone voice, not sounding that excited. Christmas had normally been something I looked forward to – being spoiled, getting rid of the ridiculous Gryffindors... But this year I missed a very special person. It had only been hours since I left Hogwarts, but it still felt as if years had passed.  
>"Have you read the Daily Prophet, dear?" she asked, snapping her fingers, making the trunk fly up the stairs and into my room.<br>"Any particular reason I would do so?" I asked, walking into the living room and sitting down on the black couch. I put my arm on the armrest, looking curiously at her.  
>"The front page, darling. It's very good news," she said with a sleek smile and handed me the newspaper.<br>I looked at the picture, picturing my father smiling superiourely out to the readers, holding a sign which indicated his prison number at Azkaban.  
>"Lucius," I mumbled, looking at the title of the article. <em>More prisoners escape<em>.  
>I looked at my mum, not showing any emotions. "He escaped."<br>"Yes, Draco. He escaped. Yaxley is out too. And Goyle as well."  
>"How did this happen?" I demanded to know, sounding rather harsh.<br>"Bellatrix. Awfully curious she is, but also very useful at times. She is coming over for Christmas."  
>"That thing celebrates Christmas?" I said to myself. I was pretty sure that Narcissa heard it, but she seemed to act as if she didn't.<br>"Your father is coming too. They should be arriving shortly," she told me, looking in-depth at me as if to see my reaction.  
>"Lovely." I said with a cold voice, standing up. "I'll be in my room."<br>A loud hissing sound echoed all around the living room, and shortly afterwards a well-known voice said: "Not so fast, son. How about wishing your father a merry Christmas?"  
>I turned around and saw him standing with his arms open, as if he wanted to welcome me back. Ironically he was the one that had to be welcomed.<br>"I see you've brought my father back, Bellatrix." I said, ignoring Lucius completely, only looking at my aunt and her black, messy hair.  
>"Easy with the Dark Lord on our side, Draco. Narcissa." she added and nodded in my mothers direction. "He wants us to get some inside information on the Potter-boy. Looks like he's learning Occlumensy. Such a shame," she sighed, touching one of my mothers beloved vases.<br>"What kind of inside information?" I asked. My voice was deep and indifferent.  
>"Who's teaching him the art of Occlumensy. Rumors say that it's Severus. Poor man, trapped in the claws of that stupid, old man..."<br>I didn't say anything, I just listened to her words. I didn't know what to say, actually.  
>"You need to find out where the lessons are held, and spoil them, Draco." Bellatrix said, without further explanation.<br>A long silence followed, and even though I didn't look at any of my parents, I could feel their looks drilling into me.  
>"What if I don't want to?" I asked challenging.<br>One of her horrible, unbearable laughs followed. She smiled with her ugly, yellow teeth and looked at me. "What if I don't want to?" she repeated with a voice that perhaps was supposed to sound like mine. It didn't sound any like it, though. "It's not a matter of choice, Draco. It's a matter of listening and doing as you're told. Tell me, Narcissa, haven't you raised him better? He could need some more maners," she said.  
>"How about yourself, Bellatrix. You can just as well shut up – I don't take advice from a ricicolous, kleptomanic woman calling herself loyal towards Voldemort."<br>Narcissa gasped, and with quick steps she walked towards me, putting her hands on my shoulders. "Draco, you can't say such things..." Though, Bellatrix interrupted her with a loud shout.  
>"DO NOT MENTION HIS NAME!" she almost screamed, looking horrified at me. "How dare you speak his name, you little mite! How dare you disapprove me! I am the Dark Lords most loyal servant, and I'm sure everyone with their mind intact in this room agrees with me!"<br>"Draco, behave." Lucius whispered, as the first thing he had said since he arrived.  
>"If behaving is trusting that man you call the Dark Lord – that man, whose name is Voldemort – spying on other students, getting your father sent to Azkaban … Then I don't want to behave! Next time you're around Azkaban, Bellatrix, you might as well do everyone a favor and lock yourself in." I said with a voice that dripped with hatred.<br>Another gasp followed, this time from both my mother and Bellatrix, and then she ran towards me with her wand pointing at me. "TAKE THAT BACK!" she shouted, looking insanely at me. "TAKE THAT BACK, NOW!"  
>"Get me out of here," I said, shaking so my mothers hands fell off me, leaving the living room with steps that echoed against the dark, naked walls.<p> 


	11. Parchment 11

Hey guys! So, I finally found some time to write a new chapter. My holidays began today, so perhaps I'll have more time to update more quickly. I know I've been sort of slow lately, sorry! Anyway, Christmas is so busy, right? Ugh, but I managed to write this. Perhaps I'll write a new one just before Christmas, which I celebrate the 24th in the evening. Go traditions! XD  
>Before I introduce this chapter properly I have a question for you guys... How many Romione shippers do we have? DON'T WORRY, it's NOT for this FF, since it's obviously Dramione. But I'm thinking about beginning a new (but still working hard on this one) FF with Romione, that sort of goes 'What happens at the Burrow, stays at the Burrow...' Hahaha, if you know what I mean! :P Lol, but anyway, do you ship Romione?<br>SO. As for the chapter. Remember I said that I soon would introduce a new POV? Well, here it is! So now I'm officially writing names in front of every 'part' in a chapter, so you know which POV it is...  
>Gosh, I write too much AN. I'll stop now guys! Hah, sorry for that... And if I don't get the chance to update before Christmas I'm just gonna say **MERRY CHRISTMAS** and have a happy New Year! :) You are all wonderful! Take care!

* * *

><p><strong>Draco's POV:<strong>  
>"Draco..." Narcissa mumbled. I didn't look at her. "Draco, you have to go apologize. You've brought shame to the name of our family."<br>"_I_ have brought shame to the name of our family?" I hissed and turned around so I could look at her. She looked really broken, yet she kept on going, trying to convince me to apologize to Bellatrix for what I had said earlier.  
>"Draco, you must understand... You can't speak his name. You have to be humble-"<br>"Humble? _Humble_? Has it ever occured to you, that perhaps I didn't want a life like this? Perhaps I didn't want my parents to be Death Eaters, perhaps I'd like to be a normal kid who wouldn't get judged by what house I'm in? Has it ever occured to you, that perhaps I'd like to actually be able to trust someone?"  
>My temper was rising dramatically. It had only gotten worse since the fight, and I saw no reason at all to actually apologize to Bellatrix. What did I have to be sorry for?<br>"But, Goyle and Crabbe..."  
>"Goyle and Crabbe? You call those two idiots someone you can trust? Tell you what, the only reason I'm even looking at their faces is because of you. Because that's what you told me to."<br>"Draco, why are you acting like this?" she asked, and suddenly sounded harsh and strict.  
>"Why am I acting like this? Like what?" I snarled.<br>"You used to be fine with the way things was. It used to be okay, you used to be satisfied. What happened? Suddenly you act like... Like you actually care! Goyle and Crabbe... Those families are very dear to us, you know. We have known them for a very long time."  
>"Oh, you mean since you all became Death Eaters?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.<br>"Draco!" she gasped, looking almost ashamed of my words. She always acted so solemn, but to me it just looked like a bad joke.  
>"Go on, admit it!" I pressed her and walked to the other end of my room.<br>"What's all this noise?" a new voice joined in – my father. I rolled my eyes, he always seemed to arrive just as the atmosphere was getting tense.  
>"Draco is judging us all for being loyal towards the Dark Lord..." Narcissa mumbled to him in a low voice. She probably thought I couldn't hear it, but I heard it perfectly well.<br>"Is that true, Draco?" Lucius asked with a demanding tone.  
>"Unlike someone," I informed him. "I don't lie."<br>"How dare you call your own father a liar..." Narcissa said and looked horrified at me, as if she didn't even recognize her own son. She probably wished that I wasn't related to her in any way.  
>"Something seems..." Lucius began as he took some almost casual, slow steps through the room. "...different."<br>I sighed and turned my back to them. _Something seems different. _My arse.  
>"Is it the lovely little friend of yours?" he suddenly asked, pulling up his wand. He looked at me with an alarming glance, and something deep inside of me told me to feel threatened.<br>"What do you mean, lovely little friend of mine?" I hissed.  
>"Oh, come on, Draco. Don't lie to your father. After all, does that make you any better?" He looked at his wand and twisted it in his fingers. "Do you suddenly feel all good-hearted, now that you've been writing with some foolish, little girl?"<br>"She's not fool-" I broke off, realizing what his words meant. "How do you know..." I began. I couldn't even recognize my own voice – it sounded so strange, so shocked.  
>"Did you honestly believe that you could hide something from your own father? Were you really that naïve to actually think that I wouldn't recognize the spell I teached you myself?"<br>I couldn't say anything. I was speechless. My mouth was dry, and my heart was beating fast.  
>"Revelio Secreto," he said and swung his wand. The letters instantly appeared in his hands. "Well, well, well..."<br>Why? Why on earth had I been so stupid to actually bring the letters back to the Manor? I guess I must had been seeking comfort, seeking help in the weeks I had to spend alone, apart from her... Now it all turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made.  
>"Don't you dare..." I began with a trembling voice. "Give me those letters, <em>now<em>!" I shouted at him. I held out my hand, breathing fast.  
>He laughed. He looked at me... and laughed.<br>"Draco... After all this time... After all these years... Haven't you learned a single thing? Some things it is best to hide..." He looked at the letters with a satisfied look in his eyes. "While other things... It is best to give up. I am keeping these letters."  
>I looked at him and let my hand fall down along my side again. I felt a lack of words, I couldn't believe he actually...<br>"Of course I've also thought about your return to Hogwarts. You must've been a fool if you for just one second thought, that this was all..."  
>I felt like I was dying. It was as if he had taken my life. My reason to live. He knew. He knew everything.<br>"The Ministry is tracking your wand. Every single spell you use..." Lucius pronounced the words slowly and precisely.  
>"And if I see that you're still sending these stupid letters..." He put the letters in his pocket inside his robe, his glance locked at me. "...I'm afraid you cannot return to Hogwarts."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ginny's POV:<strong>  
>"Come <em>on<em>, Ginny! I said I needed some new parchment, remember?" Hermione said.  
>"I know, I know..." I mumbled and followed her into Scribbulus Writing Implements. I looked at her – she seemed so carefree, so happy. She was probably excited about getting her new parchment. Then she could finally send Draco Malfoy more letters when she returned to Hogwarts.<br>I knew about it. I knew everything. Hermione had arrived at the Burrow the previous afternoon – after quite some mumble from Ron and Harry. Though, I had insisted on inviting her. It was Christmas after all.  
>That night I had helped her unpack. Ron and Harry had something they wanted to talk to her about, so I just continued where she left. But then... I found some parchment with handwriting on it. At first I thought it was only just some notes to one of her many classes, but when I took a better look at it I saw that there were two different handwritings. It was letters. One on the front, one on the back. They were signed H.G and D.M.<br>H.G. obviously stood for Hermione Granger, that was clear. But D.M... I remembered that I had looked at the door to see if she would return soon. It sounded like a fight was going on upstairs, so I assumed it would take some time.  
>With a trace of guilt I began reading. I quickly came to the conclusion, that whoever D.M was, it was a Slytherin. And which Slytherin did I know, who had the initials D.M.?<br>None other than Draco Malfoy. I couldn't understand why Hermione hadn't figured that out – it seemed so easy to me, but apparently she didn't know anything about his real identity.  
>So here we were, inside Scribbulus Writing Implements. Hermione was looking eagerly at some parchment, while I stood in a corner, thinking about the whole situation. Was it wrong if I told her? She ought to know who she was writing with, but what if I ruined whatever was going on between them? The letters had seemed like a mixture of friendly feelings, and what was worse...<br>I didn't know what to do. If I told her, she would probably be devastated. Through the letters I found out that things with her, Harry and Ron wasn't going that well. She kept writing things about how he was her only hope, and so did he.  
>I had a hard time believing that what Malfoy had written was true – but perhaps there really was a hurt boy underneath the surface? Perhaps he really did regret all the things he had done?<br>No matter what I decided not to be as naïve as Hermione. _I _wouldn't fall for his tricks. But she had, and she had fallen bad. It was easy to see, that whatever was on her mind, it was going in a more-than-friendly way.  
>As much as I didn't want to hurt Hermione by telling her, I wanted to give Malfoy a chance. I thought it was the right thing to do – after all, they seemed to get along quite well when they didn't know who they were writing with. I was sure that whenever they would find out, it would come as a shock to them.<br>I had read about how they had planned to meet, but failed. Perhaps something was missing. Something that could help them along on their way. Maybe they needed support from someone. And maybe that someone... was me.


	12. Parchment 12

Hey all! I managed to come up with this short chapter before Christmas. I'm so busy, what about you? :)  
>I wanted to use the opportunity to thank all my readers and all who has reviewed, added etc. It means A LOT! So <span>thank you<span>!  
>I am also delighted to say that my new Romione FF has been published! It's called '<strong>What happens at the Burrow, stays at the Burrow<strong>' and can be found in my profile. I think you get the storyline, so I won't say too much about it. I'd appreciate it if you would check it out :)  
>Anyway, have a very marry Christmas and a happy New Year everyone! Bye!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Hermiones POV:<strong>

Finally. I was heading back to Hogwarts. I was going to write D.M. within a matter of hours.  
>It felt as if the clouds let the sun shine down on me. I felt so lucky, so happy to be able to communicate with him soon. Therefore I kept a smile on my face through the whole journey back to Hogwarts.<br>I was sitting in a compartment with Ginny – Harry and Ron hadn't spoken to me since the fight at the Burrow. It hurt to know that they still were able to talk to each other with no worries, while I had to comfort myself with Rons little sister. But soon I could turn to D.M...  
>Ginny opened her mouth several times, as if she was about to say something. She didn't look that happy, but I had no idea why. Perhaps it was the O.W.L.'s that was waiting for her within a few months.<br>"Ginny, is something wrong?" I asked.  
>"Huh?" Ginny said, looking at me as if I spoke a different language.<br>"You're just so quiet..." I mumbled, not really knowing what to say.  
>"Uhm, no. Not at all." she answered and sent me a weak smile.<br>"If you say so..."  
>There was an uncomfortable silence within the next few minutes. Suddenly Ginny looked up at me with serious eyes and said: "Hermione, there's something I need to tell you."<br>"Yes?" I asked, relieved to hear that there _was_ something wrong. That meant that it could be solved, and that she could feel cheerful again.  
>"I know you've been... Writing with..." Ginny began, but then seemed to have a lack of words. "...Someone called D.M." she then finished off.<br>I looked at her with an incredulous glance – _what_? How could she know? I had been so careful with it all, we had even used a rare spell... How could Ginny know? We didn't even share the same dormitory!  
>"What?" I finally whispered, completely nonplussed.<br>"I'm sorry," she said and frowned. "I found the letters when you were... You know, with Ron and Harry."  
>"Ginny, you have to explain yourself." I told her with a rather demanding tone.<br>"Of course... I'm sorry," she said again, and then she began her story.  
>"I was unpacking your stuff, as we had done before you left, and then I found them... It looked strange, there was two handwritings, and you normally pay attention during classes. Therefore, I took a little peek at it... And I'm sorry."<br>"You read... _everything_?" I asked, sounding horrified.  
>"I know I shouldn't have done it, Hermione. I know it was stupid." she said and eyed the carpet in the compartment.<br>"Ginny... What did you... What were you thinking?" I hissed at her. I was out of my mind – I couldn't believe that Ginny could do that to me. She had always seemed so innocent, I'd never suspect her for doing anything like that.  
>"Oh, come on, Hermione! You would've done the same thing!" she complained and looked at me with a look that said you're-not-any-better.<br>"Would not!"  
>"Oh, really? It wouldn't surprise me if you found something interesting between, let's say Rons stuff, for instance. You would've taken a look."<br>It did sound like something I would do. I felt the warmth in my cheeks as I realised the truth in her words.  
>"Oh, but anyway... It was still wrong of you!" I defended myself.<br>"I know, but there's nothing you can do about it now. I just wanted to let you know that it's not a secret anymore." she told me. It seemed as if I had pulled one of her strings.  
>"Well... Just... Just don't tell Ron or Harry. Or anyone else. Please?" I whispered, feeling how my heart was beating much faster than before.<br>"Of course I won't." she said and twisted her mouth in a sad way, which I think was supposed to be a smile.  
>"Thanks." I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. I felt so relieved – even though it had come like a huge shock that she knew about it, I was grateful that she wasn't going to tell anybody. Of course I wouldn't expect her to, but I still wanted to be sure.<br>"So..." I mumbled after some time. "...do you have any clue who it is?"  
>I couldn't help it – I felt so eager to find out who D.M. was, and maybe Ginny knew?<br>"Uhm," Ginny said and blushed. Was that a sign? _Did she know? _"No. No clue at all." she then said and looked at me dead-serious.  
>"Oh... Okay." I said and looked out the window. It had seemed like a miracle to be able to actually know who he was, but then again – wasn't it better if I found out because he wanted me to?<br>The rest of the journey was quiet like it had been before, but this time I didn't mind. I had much to consider.

* * *

><p><strong>Dracos POV:<strong>

I sat in the dormitory, all alone like I wanted to. I was looking at the floor, feeling empty inside. Why? Why did he do this to me?  
>I looked out the window at the snow that was falling, making the whole school look so peaceful and bright. I was the exact opposite.<br>I couldn't believe it. I wasn't going to write her anymore. If only I had met her that time at the Quidditch match. Then I'd known her identity, and I would be able to just walk up to her and explain everything. It wouldn't have been such a big deal. But I had been a fool, I had been a coward. I hadn't met her, I had fleed like a scared little boy.  
>I buried my face in my hands, trying to find some sort of solution to this gigantic problem I was facing. It didn't seem like there was any – perhaps I just had to live with it like this. Perhaps it was just meant to be a short friendship, with no further future. Perhaps it didn't even matter to her. Maybe she had changed her mind.<br>A lot of thoughts ran through my mind in that second. What about her? I couldn't write her, so my only hope was that she would write me sooner or later. Then I would know that she cared, that she actually wanted an explanation. But what if she expected me to write her first? She would be disappointed.  
>I thought about what I could do if she actually wrote me. I wouldn't even know. She would probably use the Revelio Secreto-spell, and I wouldn't be able to summon her letter. Maybe it was the end of... whatever it was that we had.<br>Or maybe... Maybe I had to defy my father, maybe I had to use the spell anyway. I just needed a very short time to just write that we had to use the gargoyle again.  
>Oh god. Why did we even begin using that spell? Because I was afraid that Goyle and Crabbe would find the letters. What a pathetic reason. Everything seemed much worse now. Goyle and Crabbe would've been nothing right now. If only I had known.<br>As I sat there, thinking about it all, I made my choice, and promised myself to stick with it. I had to summon her letter. I had to use the spell.  
>I had to risk everything.<p> 


End file.
